Help - Need Russian Speaking Counselor in Houston

We really need a Russian speaking counselor in the Houston area.  Y really needs to talk to someone about his anger.  He seems to like Bill, okay, but he hates me.  Yesterday he told me we were a bad family and that I was not his mother.  All this because he asked to get his hair cut last weekend and we told him to wait until we returned home.    We also told him that his "tail" in the back would have to be trimmed because the school district requires boys hair not touch the top of a collared shirt.  Y insisted, no, we insisted that if he was getting his hair cut, all of it would be cut, not just some.

We got home Monday and ten minutes later - "Okay, can I get my hair cut now?" (in Russian, of course).  We told him the salon was closed on Mondays and we were very tired from driving 13+ hours from Sunday night to Monday morning.  We also reiterated that his tail would be trimmed.  Again, no from him, and again yes from us.

So, Tuesday I called and made an appointment for Y to get his hair cut after school.  I told him when he got home.  I also reminded him that his tail would be trimmed.  He said he didn't want to get his hair cut anymore.  I reminded him how he brought the subject up, not us.  Bill insisted that he go with me.  (Of course, Bill didn't want to be the bad guy and be the actual parent that was there when the deed was done.)  On the way out of the house, Y kicked a pair of shoes across the room so hard they left a mark on the wall.  He also slammed the door shut on the house and the car.  I told him this was not acceptable.  So, on the car ride over I got a lot of back talk from Y in Russian.  I didn't understand what he was saying, but I knew he was back talking me.  Y also has been doing a lot of just getting up and leaving when we are talking to him and disciplining him.  We tell him to come back here (in English and Russian) and he just ignores us.  One of us has to go to him physically and block his exit from the room/house and/or make him come back inside.  It is getting very emotionally draining to do this several times a day.

Y said something about the internat as we were pulling into the salon parking lot.  I told him this wasn't the internat, it was a family.  He said, "Bad family!  You are not my mother!  You are now Natasha, not Mama!"  I told him (in my best Russian) that in a family you don't get to do everything you want, when you want to do it.  Again, I'm not his mother and this is a bad family.  He also said he was going to leave.  I said, "No, you're not."  He insisted he would.

He did sit down and get his hair trimmed, but he was in a snit the whole time.  I told the stylist to just trim the tail to make it straight.  All she took off was less than half an inch, but you'd have thought it was the world.  Y kept saying there was a boy at school who has long hair, but I told him that boy was not my son.  Of course, he said he was not my son either.

Y was in a bad mood while we purchased him a 3" ring binder for school and while we were grocery shopping after that.  He wanted to buy candy with the money he got over the weekend and I wouldn't let him.  There was no way he was going to get candy (he still had two bags at home) when he was being disrespectful to me.  The back talk continued the entire time we were away from home.  Y kept telling me it was his money.  I don't care, you're not loading up on candy, especially when you're misbehaving.  He did pick out some peanuts, a can of soup and a paddle ball.  He tried to sneak some candy into the cart, but I caught it at the checkout.

As soon as we got home and he saw Bill he was all lovey dovey to Bill.  I realized I had forgotten to get new batteries for his handheld translator, so I returned to the grocery store by myself while Bill and Y put the groceries away and made dinner.  When I returned home, Y seemed to be in a much better mood.  Bill explained to Y several times that he did not go with Y to get his hair cut because Bill would've had them cut it all off.  High and tight, probably.  He told Y, Mama wanted your hair here, and I wanted it way up here.  I don't know if that helped the situation.  It explained it, but Bill kept bringing it up, which kept the incident fresh in Y's mind.  Bill also told me I over react to everything.  I don't understand how I over reacted to the statements - this is a bad family and you're not my mother.  All I told him was that he didn't have a choice.

This morning, Y was back in a bad mood.  He got up easily enough, but didn't like the fact that I told him to take a shower.  He smelled horrible when he came home from school yesterday.  Then, when it was time to take him to school, he kept asking where the pictures were.  I didn't know what pictures he was talking about, but I showed him the photo book from Ukraine.  He took several pictures of his friends out and one of the school there, and put them in his book bag.  He was in a snit again as we drove to school.  He couldn't get out of the car soon enough.  When I asked for a kiss goodbye, he just said, "No.  Goodbye."

I called Bill as I left the school and told him that I would be surprised if Y came home from school today.  I think he is at least thinking about running away.  Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I am concerned.  I will not give in to his every whim just to make him want to stay.  I'd be at therapy with him tonight if I could find a therapist that speaks Russian.

For those of you who say to pick your battles, just know that I really don't care how long his hair is.  I don't care what color it is, either.  But, the school does have rules, and unfortunately we have to follow them.  We were just going to wait until the school contacted us about the length of his hair, but with Y's attitude lately and the fact that he wanted to get his hair cut, we thought now would be a good time.  That way he won't have to get his tail cut again until August.  His tail is now 2.5 inches long instead of 3 inches long.

Anyone with any suggestions on a Russian speaking therapist, please email me at adoptyaroslav@yahoo.com.  We do have an English speaking therapist available and maybe a Russian translator if it comes to that.

Natalie

TX