New Bikes for Everyone

Finally broke down and got us all new bikes today. Y has been needing one for quite a few weeks, since he outgrew the old one. My old bike died a tortuous death with its bent rims and grinding gears (when I could find them). Bill - well, he hasn't had a bike in over 13 yrs.

So, off to Academy we went, Y and I. Bill had to go to the old house to pick up tools he left there last week. He hasn't had a bike in so long, he assumed they still came in boxes and that he would have to assemble all of them tomorrow. It's a good thing he didn't come with us, as he would've had no where to sit on the way home. An Escape only fits three bikes when both back seats are put down. Bill would've had to have ridden on top of the car, or Y would've had to sit in his lap the whole way home.

Y picked out a 20" BMX style bike. I kept telling him it was too short, but he insisted. He actually found one with a longer wheel base, so that the handlebars do not hit his knees every time he turns. When Y asked how many speeds his bike had, I told him, "One. Yours." He thought that was cool, and he couldn't stop telling me how expensive BMX bikes are in Ukraine. His bike was a whopping $120.

My bike is a 26" teal colored Mongoose mountain style bike (straight handlebars and big tires). My bike says it has 21 speeds, but in reality it has 22 speeds: 21 from the bicycle itself and one from Goofy. Half the time I only need to steer the bike away from those pesky mailboxes. I don't even need the first five gears, Goofy can take care of that all by himself. Price tag - $130.

Bill got the el-cheapo bike. I figure he'll stop riding with us in a few weeks, so why spend boo-koo bucks on his bike? His is a 26" 18 speed blue Huffy mountain style bike. They had a 28" bike, but it was more of a racing style with very thin tires that did not look like they could support 300lbs. Cost: $75.

Maybe Y will want to ride that bike sometime when he doesn't want to try stunts. I sure hope the weather is nice tomorrow so that we can all take a ride together. The puppies will be ecstatic to all be "run" together: Michael with Y and his bike, Goofy with me and my bike, Squirt with Bill and his bike, and Miko bringing up the rear all by his lonesome. He's so old now, that he doesn't need a leash. He just follows us like a good little puppy dog should. Of course, you have to keep stopping and letting him catch up. At 11 yrs old he's a senior citizen.

Y was so excited, that when we turned on to our street, he asked me to pull over so that he could get his bike out of the back and ride it home. As I pulled away sans one bike and one son, I saw a boy that lives on that block and rides the bus with Y in the morning riding his BMX style bike. I drove home (took all of 3 minutes), let the puppies outside, pulled the other two bikes out of the car, suited Michael up for running and still no Y at home. Almost 15 minutes went by before he came back and took Michael for a run. Seems he had to stop and converse for a while. Not a bad thing at all.

The sun was about to go down, so we quickly headed out with only Michael and Goofy. They played "run like the wind till you catch up" with the other dog for almost 20 minutes. Michael is not quite big enough to be the only steam engine pulling Y and his bike (he's only 35lbs), but Goofy was the equivalent of two steam engines. I barely got any exercise, because I only had to pedal when we were in front of Michael and Y.

Hopefully this will be something else that will keep Y from wanting to play video games all weekend. Note - Y told me today that he was playing on a European server and one of the players told him that he spoke Russian with an American accent. Too funny.

Natalie

TX

Goofy's Great Escape - Episodes 1 & 2

Episode 1 - The Great Race

Last Monday as I was preparing to go to my new chiropractor's office, Goofy decided he didn't really want to come inside. Instead he meandered his way to the front yard, where he startled a deer and the chase was on. A 115lb lab chasing a 200+lb deer. Guess who won that race? Instead of going to my doctor's office, I jumped in my car and spent almost 30 minutes riding around our neighborhood and the next calling for Goofy. I tried calling home, but Bill did not answer the phone. I decided to head back to the house to see if he had returned to our yard. Goofy beat me there, because he was already in the house. Bill said he came home just a few minutes later. When I asked why he didn't call me, he said he thought I was at the doctor's office. Like I wouldn't have appreciated a message!

Episode 2 - Nature vs Nurture

Thursday afternoon, as soon as I got home from work (around 4pm), Y asked if we could take all of the dogs over to the lake to swim. We know Michael doesn't really like the water, but Y thought if he saw Goofy enjoying it, maybe he'd come in for a swim. So we walked the half mile or so to the lake, and let everyone off leash. Goofy, being a lab, immediately went into the water. Y picked Michael up and took him a few feet out into the water, but all Michael did was swim to the shore and stay there. Seems he doesn't like swimming too much. Unfortunately after a few minutes, Goofy caught sight of the six or so ducks that swim on our lake.

Game on.

Usually he just gives a half-hearted attempt to chase them, but not this time. Absolutely nothing was going to stop him from getting a duck. Goofy happily chugged his way out into the water and spent most of half an hour swimming after the ducks. He almost caught one once, but he's just not that lucky. As Y put it, "Mama, you see Goofy bite duck, and duck bite Goofy!"

Now, this is almost a 30 acre lake, and it's about 20-30 feet deep in the center. The entire time I had visions running through my head of either the dog drowning or Y drowning trying to save the dog. After about 15 minutes of trying to get Goofy's attention away from the ducks, Y decided to strip to his skivvies and go in after him. He swam out about 20 feet from the shore, but the ducks got spooked and turned around to swim the other way. Goofy just did a 180 and followed them. Darn it! So, Y returned to shore and stayed on the peninsula with the other three dogs, while I huffed and puffed to the other side of the lake, about a quarter of a mile away. I called from one side and Y called from the other, but only exhaustion, and a snip from a duck beak allowed Goofy to focus on us and not the birds.

Y then jumped back into the lake a second time and swam out to touch Goofy's collar. Goofy began to follow him back to the shore, but Y was getting tired so he high-tailed it to high ground. Goofy being tired, swam quite slowly, and I could see that he had lost sight of Y when the dog began swimming in circles in the middle of the lake. I kept yelling to Y to stop swimming and talk to Goofy, but Y could not hear me. Fortunately, Goofy could. He then began swimming in my direction, so I continued yelling for him at the top of my lungs. I said, in a rather pleasant voice, "Get over here you little brat, so I can kick your butt!"

It was more than twice as far for Goofy to swim to me than it was for him to swim to Y, so I kicked off my shoes and put my eyeglasses on the grass and waded out into the lake about 20 feet (my feet could still touch bottom there). Mama was not going to strip to her skivvies. That would've been a horrifying sight and the dog would've run away in disgust. I did bring his leash and chain with me, so when he got close enough I slipped it around his head and waded next to him to the shoreline. All of my yelling caught the attention of someone else, because when I got back to the shore Michael was standing there wagging his whole body waiting for us. Apparently he was unleashed (since Y jumped into the lake), and just decided to run back down the trail/shoreline to see what all the commotion was about.

Michael may not be completely potty trained yet, and his "stay" is quite optional, but he sits on command, gives "five," and has an awesome "come!" Goofy, after more than a year, still has an optional "come." Y redressed, and as we walked back home soaking wet, Goofy still had enough energy to try and run into the water, again, to chase the ducks. Luckily his leash was firmly in my hand at that time. Then it was home to bathe everyone, and now we have four lovely clean smelling puppies.

Now, if I could just get every being with testosterone in my house to behave, I'd be quite happy!

Natalie

TX

The Newest Addition to Our Family

Well, Y held up his end of the bargain (doing his jobs and no complaining about controls - well, not much), so Monday afternoon we headed over to the Humane Society to add to our fur family.

Without further ado, here is "Michael," a six month old boxer mix with his new best buddy:

Since all of our other animals have Disney names, I guess we'll just have to find a Disney movie or something with a character named Michael in it! He is a sweetheart, and I'll post more when I get the chance.

We have had a few good/okay days in a row. Can't have too many of them, tonight Y needed Bill to fix something on his computer, and Bill was either unable to understand Y or unable to fix it, so Y got very fussy and Bill got fussy and left the room. Don't know if they talked to each other again, but I haven't received any phone calls from either since 5:30pm.

The fur members of the family are getting along just fine, after a small mishap during the first meeting. We let our pit mix Squirt out front first to greet Michael, and they liked each other after about five minutes, then we let our white-yellow lab Miko (I know, Miko and Michael!) and he could've cared less that there was another dog in the family. Then came Goofy. Apparently Michael needed to know ASAP that this was Goofy's yard, and Goofy's house, and Goofy's staircase, and Goofy's boy - so Goofy tried to use Michael as a bowling pin several times during the first evening. We immediately took them for a walk together, with Michael and Y in the front, so Goofy would know he's not in charge any more. Then Goofy spent several hours in his bed/cage downstairs. Every time he got aggressive, he went to doggy time out until he calmed down. Sometimes he only stayed calm for two minutes and was put back in his cage. But, it seems to have worked, and he only claims me when I get home from work. Other than that he's okay with the new puppy. Tigger and Daisy aren't really sure, yet. Give them a few more days.

Bye now.

Natalie

TX

One Good Day in a Row

We had one good day in a row yesterday. Bill and Y are actually speaking to each other again. I guess four days of ignoring each other has helped. Also, I believe the routine of school and acrobatics practice twice a week is better for Y. He still gives us problems at bedtime. I think maybe he has insomnia. Will have to get him some melatonin and try that soon.

On our way home from acrobatics on Thurs evening, I told Y that we would have another session with our therapist and his translator after school on Friday. Oh, boy! He started telling me all the things he wanted to talk about the next day. Half the time he spoke broken English and the rest was Russian, but he insisted to me that he spoke English the whole time. Most of his complaints were about Bill, or controls over anything; but, he did tell me sometimes that maybe I did things he didn't like "just little bit."

A few minutes after 3pm Friday, Y arrived home and was greeted by several wagging tails. He did not immediately say, "Hello," at least not that I could hear from the laundry room. I yelled, "Hello!" back to him and his response was, "What?" with all the insolence he could muster. I told him that was not the proper way to greet me. He insisted he said hello and not what.

I told him we had to leave in 20 minutes, and he wanted to know if the whole family was going, because if Bill wasn't going, then he wasn't going. Bill had already told me he didn't want to go because he seems to think Y will hold back if Bill shows up. No amount of talking can convince Bill that the complete opposite is true. So, I had to usher Y out the door a few minutes later, getting a complete litany of 'why do I have to go and he doesn't' among other serious offenses we have committed in his eyes. He kept it up the whole ride over there. When we arrived, he immediately walked over to the translator and gave her a big hug. I immediately brought up the fact that he recoils whenever Bill or I touch him. He said he doesn't like people touching him. Our therapist told him she was throwing the flag on that one, because he had just initiated touch with the third person in the room! Then he said he doesn't like me and that's why he doesn't like me touching him. I told him that I was only trying to help/comfort him when he was upset, by touching his knee or shoulder. I told him that acting like the Exorcist was not an appropriate reaction, and it would no longer be tolerated.

He quickly began to tell the translator things he wanted us to know. He started with the fact that he is grateful to us for traveling to Ukraine to adopt him and bring him back to America. A feather would've blown me over at that point! Wonder why he keeps saying he wants to go back to Ukraine every time an argument happens? He also said that sometimes he feels like he is part of a family, and sometimes he doesn't. I told him that was normal, and sometimes I don't want to be part of a family, either. Then we went over the controls on everything issue, AGAIN, and he was told that we did not agree to remove any controls at any time. Eventually they will be removed, but not any time soon. He asked if the controls could be removed when he turned 18? He's finally getting it! I am totally convinced that the reason he spoke about gratefulness and only asked about controls once is because he spoke to a fellow blogger's daughter last weekend. They were adopted at roughly the same time, and we shared a plane ride home from Kiev. I'm sure someone else telling him that their life was much better here than before helped him realize that his options in Ukraine are very limited at this time.

We also talked about getting himself up in the morning. Beginning Tuesday he will be required to use his alarm clock to awaken himself. If he wants to be considered an "adult" then he has to act like one. He is also required to write the time he leaves the house to catch the bus and the date on a calendar posted outside his bedroom. We told him he has to do that or wake one of us up to let us know he is leaving. He opted for the calendar deal. We told him it was for safety reasons, what if someone came and snatched him off the street? We wouldn't know about it until around 4pm when he would be late getting home from school. Y then asked us to follow the same type of rule: He wants to know when we're leaving, where we're going, what we're going to do, who we're going to be with, and when we'll be back. Then he gets to tell us "Yes" or "No." LOL! We told him that we would tell him we were leaving and when we'd be back, but we would not ask his permission and we may tell him other things, but that he could not require us to tell him those things. He said he is afraid that we won't come home and he will not know until the next day or maybe several days. I can sympathize with him, so we will try to assuage as many fears as we can. Eventually he will learn that he can't get rid of us.

Our therapist also told him two stories about girl clients of hers ages 14 & 15 who didn't want to follow the rules, do their homework or their chores and made many bad choices before they came to therapy. She said it took several months for each of them to come to the decision that following rules and doing homework/chores provided them with a lot more freedom than they got when they misbehaved. She then asked Y if he understood why she told him those stories. He said, "Because you think I'm a girl!" Mr. Smarty Pants. She told him many boys she has counseled have done the same thing, it didn't matter that the stories she told were about girls. He then answered that maybe he was a little bit like both of those girls. Maybe.

We also asked the translator if she would be willing to spend a few moments calling Y's birth father in Ukraine to ask a couple of questions: did he get the package Y sent three weeks ago; did he know about someone threatening Y that if he did not leave Ukraine that his BF would be sent back to jail; can he tell us anything he thinks we should know about Y's earlier life. Y kept insisting that it was not our business to talk to his BF even through a translator, but when we told him the questions we wanted to ask, he said "Okay." Y thought all we were going to do was tell his BF that he was bad and we wanted to send him back to Ukraine. (You know, if you only listened to the words Y uses, you'd think this kid really really wants to go back to Ukraine. But, I know that he is really afraid of being rejected/neglected again.) We hope that the translator tells us she believes his BF, whatever he says. We hope that we can safely decide to let Y have more contact with his BF, or at least regular contact (ie, a phone call on the 1st Sunday of each month). We may eventually be willing to give him Y's email address as well. We will be going to her house tomorrow around 2pm to make the phone call. I really hope Y's BF picks up the phone this time. After the translator and he talk, then we will allow Y to speak to his BF.

Again, on the way home, Y was getting belligerent in asking many questions again and again and again about controls and phone calls and Bill. He continually interrupted me, so I told him I would no longer answer his questions because he was being aggressive and rude. I also told him that we could cancel going to the translator's house on Sunday if he didn't behave. That shut him up pretty quick. Just need to know what his motivation is!

Y and Bill were actually quite pleasant to each other. Bill did not smoke in the house (at least while Y was awake and home - and Y told me he knows Bill is smoking in the house when he's gone), and Y decided not to spend the entire evening in his room! I took the doggies for a walk by myself because Y's leg was still bothering him from acrobatics the evening before. When I got back, he asked me to help him with a new game that was not loading properly. Then I went downstairs to give "the report" to Bill. I told him about Y knowing about the smoking and he said, "I'm trying!" Well, there is no "trying" - either smoke outside or don't smoke! It's only a 30 foot walk, Bill! I told him everything I wrote above, too. Y came downstairs and told me he found a movie that I would like, and he put the big TV on to show me. The boy knows his Mama! "Speed Racer - The Movie" was playing. Y even sat down to watch it with me (well, at least 50% of the movie. He can't sit through an entire movie. I don't think it's possible. Maybe he's ADD or something. He also entertained himself, two dogs and two cats during the movie by using a small laser pen and making them chase a dot around and around and around for about 30 minutes until they were all exhausted.

I never did get his game to load properly, so when it was time for me to go to bed he asked me to help one more time. I told him Papa would have to do it because I was going to sleep. "One minute, Mama, please!" I know how long his 'minutes' last. I held firm and a few minutes later he was downstairs asking Bill to please come help. Bill couldn't get it to work, either, so I guess he'll have to uninstall and reinstall it today.

Hopefully we can make this two good days in a row.

Natalie

TX

One more thing

I called Y tonight at about 8pm to check on him. I may have woken him up because it took several rings before he answered the phone. I got a very insolent, "What!" from him. I told him that I was just calling to see how he was and how school was today. He said he was okay and school was okay. I asked him what he ate for dinner tonight (he complained last week that Bill did not feed him anything on Tue or Wed evenings - coincidentally the two evenings per week that I am 100% required to work). He said he ate chips and cookies. I asked if he ate dinner and his reply was, "What, I eat my fingers?" Smart aleck. He told me that Bill did not make any food for him again today. I told him he could eat more of anything he wanted and that I would see him in the morning.

Then I called Bill to confirm that he had not made dinner (he was supposed to make stuffed pork chops). Bill said that Y plowed right into the junk food as soon as he got home. I asked Bill if that was an excuse not to feed him and Bill said, "No, but I've been doing some investigating stuff." Unbelievable. Something else was more important than feeding his son?

So, now I get to go home (and arrive about 1am), go to sleep, get up at 5:30am to see Y off to school and then I get to cook dinner for Y at 6am - just to make sure that he has something to eat tomorrow night! I'm even going to put his name on it and tell Bill that I'll cut his fingers off if he even touches it! Then I might get another hour or two of sleep before I have to get up and get ready for work.

For those of you in the Houston area, I may be asking for your help next week on Tue and Wed if work does not allow me to switch to day shifts. I will either need someone to come over to my house to help Y with his little bit of homework and reading and feed him dinner and sit with him until I get home; or else maybe take him to your place and I'll pick him up after work or you could drop him off at home about 9pm. He should be okay for a couple of hours before I get home from work.

I really hate to ask this, but I just may have to do it. Or call off sick.

Thanks in advance.

Natalie

TX

Calgon, take me away!

Y went over to the translator's house on Sun afternoon and spent several hours swimming, and she made him breakfast and lunch. Bill and I went over to get him about 5pm (she asked both of us to come over). We stayed for about an hour during which Y asked us to please write down exactly what we expected him to do every day. He wants to stop all the yelling and fighting going on between him and Bill, and occasionally me. Y also said he does not feel like he is a part of our family. Could that be because Bill is always marking his territory and laying claim to things like the couch, the TV, the house, the car, etc?

We all agreed that if Y did his jobs every day for two weeks, without complaint, that we would take him to the shelter to look for a new dog of his own. He was very excited to hear that. We also told him that the parental controls on his TV, computer, and cell phone would stay, and that they were not negotiable. He seemed to accept that at the time.

Things seemed to go pretty well over there. Bill and Y seemed to make up and even hugged each other (although Y looked like he wasn't really comfortable with it). Y also asked one little thing of each of us: no yelling, and Papa please smoke outside the house. Bill countered saying he would only smoke in his office. Y said not good enough, the house stinks and the smoke is killing me and the dogs. Y would only be satisfied if Bill smoked outside. I thought by the time we left that Bill had agreed to only smoke outside, but apparently I was wrong.

Thirty minutes after we got home they were at each others throats again. Bill was smoking in his office and Y was complaining because we did not take the password controls off of his electronics immediately upon returning home. Once again, Y heard what he wanted to hear concerning passwords/parental controls. I repeated to him several times that we never said that. He went up to his room, but moments later Bill lit up a cigarette, and Y stormed back downstairs. He was furious - Bill said he would smoke outside and he was smoking in the house. Y practically had a meltdown. Bill was obstinate as ever, saying that he wouldn't be dictated to by a 14yr old!

Eventually Y went up to his room, slammed the door shut and stayed there for the evening. I'm sure he didn't go to bed until after 11pm, as the TV was still on at that time. I didn't want to antagonize him further, besides that he knew he had to get up at 5:30am no matter what. I tried to talk to Bill about his smoking, but he just kept being aggressive in his tone and spitting venom, so I went to bed, too. I had to get up and make sure Y made it on the bus in the morning. Unfortunately, I slept through my alarm and didn't wake Y up until 5:45am. He only had about 10-15 minutes to get ready. He did make it on the bus, though, but we didn't get any time to talk about things.

I went back to sleep for a few hours. When I got up, Bill was awake and watching TV. No idea why he wasn't at work. Guess it was a slow day. I tried to talk to him again about his smoking, but he just kept getting mad. Finally he said, "I haven't had a cigarette in the house today, but you just keep hounding me anyway!" How was I supposed to know that? I'd only been up an hour and the house stunk of cigarette smoke from a 13 gallon trash can full of cigarette butts in his office - hello!

Then I asked him what he wanted me to do about Y's TV? It appears that there are several programs on Nick and TOON that are not rated and are therefore blocked by the ratings locks we use. I asked if there was another way to allow him to watch those programs. Bill told me I could just block out whichever channels I wanted to block, but that he didn't really care. He doesn't want anything to do with Y. He said he doesn't care what he does at all. Bill said he (meaning Bill) did not feel like a member of the family because he is always made out to be the bad guy. Well, when the shoe fits, wear it.

At that point, I called our therapist (yes, we have been going to family therapy for almost 4 months now; well, I've been going and Y's been going, but Bill's only been there about 4 times and he keeps telling me how the therapist doesn't know anything and what she says doesn't work. How would he know, he won't try it!). I wanted to know if either Y and I could come for a session this week or Bill and I, but I wasn't sure a session with Bill would do either of us any good. Sad to say, but our therapist told me to contact an attorney and get moving on a legal separation from my husband. She said she is not advocating divorce, she thinks my husband is a great guy who is too stubborn to admit his actions are wrong and too co-dependent to do anything else. He needs a wake-up call. I think I have given him several wake-up calls, and I'm tired of trying to get him awake! Our therapist told me to tell Bill that his actions won't work and that he is only making matters much worse by what he is doing; she also said to tell him that we are either in this together or I am in it alone - and it's his choice. To which he said, "Fine. Do it yourself. I don't want any part of this anymore."

My next call was to the lawyer my union referred me to. Unfortunately he has too many cases going to court, so he is not accepting new clients at this time. I called for a second referral, but that lawyer was out of the office yesterday and I did not receive a call back today. I will try calling him again tomorrow.

I really don't want to raise Y by myself, but I will if I have to. I have already asked work for a change to my regular work schedule (all day shifts either Sun-Fri or Mon-Sat) and they have told me to go pound sand. They say that because our therapist is only a licensed social worker and not a psychiatrist that there's nothing they can do to help me, even if she makes a written request. I told her that on the phone and she called 'bull-puckey' on it. She told me to contact my primary care physician and ask them to write a note for work. She told me to tell the Dr to contact her and she would give them all the information they need (I've already signed a release form). I am going to the Dr's office tomorrow, but I will have to get through her annoying front office personnel first!

I have to go back to work now. Will keep you all posted.

Natalie

TX

Another Blowup

This is getting ridiculous. We had another blow up last night that should've been a relatively minor annoying run-of-the-mill blow up, BUT NO, Bill had to take it to the next level.

I don't know what started this one. Y had spent most of the afternoon in his room playing video games and watching TV. I had slept till 2pm because I had a midnight shift the night before and did not get to sleep until 7am. Bill was downstairs watching TV and snoozing on and off all afternoon. Bill made dinner and then left to give a friend of ours tickets to the Texans game Monday night. We didn't think it would be a good thing to take Y with us (he doesn't really like football) and we probably wouldn't get home until midnight anyway. Also, Y has acrobatic practice on Mondays.

Anyways, he got on his usual rant about controls on his computer, his cell phone, and now his TV. Who's computer is it, my computer or your computer? Who's cell phone is it ...? Who's TV is it ...? Well, he had already been explained to, in Russian, that he did not buy any of these things; they're all privileges and not rights; this is customary and normal in USA, etc. But he doesn't buy any of it. He asks the same questions twenty times just because he doesn't like the answer. Like that changes the answer! I repeatedly told him that those were the only cell phone and computer that he was allowed to use. He could use them or not use them. I also told him that that was the TV that is installed in his room. He can watch it or not watch it. He is also welcome to watch the TV downstairs. When I showed him that there were they exact same TV controls downstairs as there were in his room, he started screaming at me. Apparently he thought the check mark next to "adult only" means that you can watch it, not that it is blocked. (Seriously, we don't have huge blocks on our TVs, just NC-17 and adult only, along with filters for nudity and sexual content. We also block PPV events, just to control costs.) Like I said, when he saw the "adult only" check mark, he started screaming, "Porn! Porn! Porn!," told me to go 'foxtrot' myself, and stormed upstairs. Along the way he punched the wall and left a small hole in it. Like father, like son.

A few minutes later his cell phone rang, so I answered it. It was a young woman who flew home on the plane with us five months ago. They talked for a few minutes (I don't know about what), and he seemed slightly calmer afterward. Then he tried to watch something on TOON network, it was blocked, and we were back at square one. I suggested calling the translator we used last week, and he said, "Okay." Her phone rang a few times, but she didn't pick it up. I told Y that, but, of course, he didn't believe me, so he called her himself and left a message. She called back a few minutes later. Again, they talked for about 10 minutes where he aired all his grievances and she invited him over to her house the next day. I spoke to her briefly so that she could confirm he was allowed to visit.

When he began the litany of "control" questions a few minutes later, I told him we weren't having this conversation again. Period. So, he changed the subject: "Okay, I call Ukraine now." A demand. Not a request. I told him no because it wasn't even 6am there yet. He kept saying that he wanted to call his birth father and that his birth father will pick up the phone any time he calls (seems he forgot about last month's calls). I told him it was rude, and no he would not be calling anyone in the middle of the night. Then he suggested calling at midnight (8am in Ukraine). I told him I would be asleep then because I had overtime today, so I would give Papa the calling card and he could decide if he would allow Y to call overseas. Bill came home a few minutes later, and I told him Y wanted to call Ukraine at midnight. Bill said, "That depends on who he wants to call." I told him his birth father, and Bill said, "No." So then came the litany of "Why?" and "You said in Ukraine that I could call Ukraine! I no call long time!!," etc. We told him that he could not call his birth father tonight, and that if he kept asking us, then he would not be able to call him for at least a week.

When he continued to get more and more belligerent, Bill told him to go to his room. Y got even worse, so I got up and told him that he needed to go to his room. He did not need to go to sleep. As he was walking up the stairs, complaining in Russian, Bill turned to look at him. It was then that Bill saw the small dent in the wall Y put there earlier in the evening. Y was at about a level 6 (out of 10) and Bill immediately escalated to a level 10 to counter him. Bill was screaming and pointing at Y to go to his bedroom. When Y pointed out the fact that Bill had made a larger hole further up the staircase, and why hadn't he fixed that yet? Bill countered with, "This is MY house and I'll do what I want in it!"

Immediately, Y said, "This is no my house? Okay, I go." And he began walking out the door. I told him I would be forced to call the police if he left the property, so he said he was just going outside to sit down. I told him I would be out there in five minutes to check on him. Then I asked Bill if his screaming and yelling had done any good or made anyone feel better? He said, "Yes - me!" My jaw about dropped. You gotta be kidding me! Are you 53 or 13? Please.

So, I waited 5 minutes and went out to talk to Y. He was laying on a trash pile of wood 2x4s that had come out of our wall demolition two months ago. I asked him if he was okay, and he began crying and saying this wasn't his house and this wasn't his family, etc. I touched his knee and told him that this was his house and it was his family; I also explained that I did not know why Bill kept saying those things, and that he did not mean for Y to leave. Y then noticed that I was touching his knee and the exorcist came out again, "You no touch me!" I removed my hand from him but continued crouching and talking in what I thought was a calming manner. He seemed to calm down, at least back to that level 6 that I referenced earlier. I told Y that I was going back inside to call our therapist and see if she could arrange for the translator to meet with all of us again this week. He said, "Okay."

I talked to her, and she said that I seemed very calm on the phone. I felt calm, but I'm just really annoyed at both of them pushing each other's buttons to the point of explosion. It's been going on to long for my taste. It seemed as if both of them were looking for a fight, or cruisin' for a brusin as it would've been said in my day, and they each found it. They each needed to release that anger and hostility, but did not know how to do so without hurting someone else along the way. We will be seeing the therapist again Monday after school.

I have read several blogs of others who have been living with this behavior from their kids and/or their husbands for several years. I don't know how anyone can do that. I couldn't subject myself to it, let alone my son. I have asked my legal service for referral to an attorney, but I have not yet contacted the attorney. I really don't want to do this myself, but I will if my husband's actions do not change. No one deserves to be put through continuous thoughts of being unwanted.

Natalie

TX