Celebrating Babushka Judy's 70th birthday a little early!
Y's favorite exhibit at the zoo - reptiles, of course!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
If I Didn't Have Dogs
My mom found this in the paper and sent it to us. Describes our house to a 'T.'
I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety.
My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture and cars would be free of hair.
When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel.
When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy bodies who beat me there.
I could sit on the couch and lay in my bed the way I wanted, without taking into consideration how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.
I would have money and no guilt to go on a real vacation.
I would not be on a first name basis with six veterinarians, as I put their yet unborn grand kids through college.
The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit, down, come, no, stay and leave him/her/it ALONE.
My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers.
My house would not look like a day care center, with toys everywhere.
My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats or an extra leash.
I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L, F-R-I-S-B-E-E, W-A-L-K, T-R-E-A-T, B-I-K-E, G-O, R-I-D-E or I-C-E C-R-E-A-M.
I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.
I would not have to answer the question "Why do you have so many animals?" from people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by something as close to an angel as they will ever get.
How much simpler but EMPTY my life would be!
Author Unknown
Natalie
TX
I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety.
My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture and cars would be free of hair.
When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel.
When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy bodies who beat me there.
I could sit on the couch and lay in my bed the way I wanted, without taking into consideration how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.
I would have money and no guilt to go on a real vacation.
I would not be on a first name basis with six veterinarians, as I put their yet unborn grand kids through college.
The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit, down, come, no, stay and leave him/her/it ALONE.
My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers.
My house would not look like a day care center, with toys everywhere.
My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats or an extra leash.
I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L, F-R-I-S-B-E-E, W-A-L-K, T-R-E-A-T, B-I-K-E, G-O, R-I-D-E or I-C-E C-R-E-A-M.
I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.
I would not have to answer the question "Why do you have so many animals?" from people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by something as close to an angel as they will ever get.
How much simpler but EMPTY my life would be!
Author Unknown
Natalie
TX
Healing
We're trying to heal this weekend. Bill says he talked to Y about the money this morning while I worked. Y still emphatically insists that he didn't take it. Bill says he believes him. I'm not sure I believe him, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. This is his first offense. We still haven't hooked up the computer, maybe tomorrow morning or sometime soon. We figure, whether he did it or not, he got the message that stealing is unacceptable.
Today Bill and Y started to clean out the garage. If you've seen our garage, you'd know why I said 'started.' It's only been 8 months since it's had a good cleaning, but you can barely put the tractor away after you cut the grass. Only cats have enough room to walk among the items there. Bill says they found several things he forgot we had. Imagine that.
They were taking a break when I got home from work, and Y didn't even want to be in the same room as me. He does that, gets mad at one of us and becomes all buddy-buddy with the other one for a day or two. I followed him into the other room and sat down next to him. He kept telling me he wasn't going to talk to me. I said, "Okay, but I'm going to talk to you." I told him that I loved him, and that nothing he ever did could change that fact. I explained that it is possible to love someone, but not like their actions. He looked me in the face, and told me again he didn't touch my money. I watched his pupils and they did not dilate, as usually happens when people lie. So, either he's telling the truth, or he's a natural actor. But, I have decided that I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and move on. I will keep my wallet 'where the sun don't shine,' from now on, so that he is not tempted and I won't have a reason to suspect him.
We are removing the wall between the living room and 'dining room,' aka Y's living room, beginning on Monday. Of course, it's a load bearing wall, so it won't be cheap. We decided to do it now to make Y feel more a part of the family, and to enhance the esthetics of the house. My men went to Home Cheapo, but being men, they forgot a few things. So, we all packed into my hybrid suv and made a trip to Tractor Supply. We bought a new chain saw (2.3 wooded acres requires more than on chain saw, unfortunately), but they don't sell wheel barrows or fishing equipment there. We'll get the wheel barrow tomorrow, but we continued on to Academy for some fishing stuff. Y was given a rod by one of Bill's relatives, but they kept the reel. So, of course, Bill had to have a new rod and reel, too. The best part was, that Y offered to use his gift card to pay for his new reel, tackle box and some bait. I'm glad he said this is something I want, and I'm going to pay for it myself.
Even better, when we got home the mail was here. Remember how Bill was never able to get a passport because of a problem with NY state child support? That we paid off in August 2006, attempted to get corrected in July 2007, and finally got a court date in July 2008? Then, while I was in Ukraine, Bill got a notice from TX that he had to report to court the last week of March to explain why he was not paying his past due child support!!! We showed up at court that morning ready to rumble. His lawyer got us in to see a clerk pretty quickly, explained the situation and showed her all of our proof that the debt was paid in full. She called NY to verify, and wrote up the TX notice that reflected payment in full. While in there, Bill asked if he could get back the IRS tax return money from 2008 that was erroneously withheld (we filed taxes in October just so this would not happen). The clerk didn't promise t hat she would be successful, she just said she'd see what she could do. Imagine our surprise when a check arrived in the mail today. It will cover almost half the cost of the wall removal. Yippeee!
Now, if I could just get Y to speak to me in English.
Natalie
TX
Today Bill and Y started to clean out the garage. If you've seen our garage, you'd know why I said 'started.' It's only been 8 months since it's had a good cleaning, but you can barely put the tractor away after you cut the grass. Only cats have enough room to walk among the items there. Bill says they found several things he forgot we had. Imagine that.
They were taking a break when I got home from work, and Y didn't even want to be in the same room as me. He does that, gets mad at one of us and becomes all buddy-buddy with the other one for a day or two. I followed him into the other room and sat down next to him. He kept telling me he wasn't going to talk to me. I said, "Okay, but I'm going to talk to you." I told him that I loved him, and that nothing he ever did could change that fact. I explained that it is possible to love someone, but not like their actions. He looked me in the face, and told me again he didn't touch my money. I watched his pupils and they did not dilate, as usually happens when people lie. So, either he's telling the truth, or he's a natural actor. But, I have decided that I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and move on. I will keep my wallet 'where the sun don't shine,' from now on, so that he is not tempted and I won't have a reason to suspect him.
We are removing the wall between the living room and 'dining room,' aka Y's living room, beginning on Monday. Of course, it's a load bearing wall, so it won't be cheap. We decided to do it now to make Y feel more a part of the family, and to enhance the esthetics of the house. My men went to Home Cheapo, but being men, they forgot a few things. So, we all packed into my hybrid suv and made a trip to Tractor Supply. We bought a new chain saw (2.3 wooded acres requires more than on chain saw, unfortunately), but they don't sell wheel barrows or fishing equipment there. We'll get the wheel barrow tomorrow, but we continued on to Academy for some fishing stuff. Y was given a rod by one of Bill's relatives, but they kept the reel. So, of course, Bill had to have a new rod and reel, too. The best part was, that Y offered to use his gift card to pay for his new reel, tackle box and some bait. I'm glad he said this is something I want, and I'm going to pay for it myself.
Even better, when we got home the mail was here. Remember how Bill was never able to get a passport because of a problem with NY state child support? That we paid off in August 2006, attempted to get corrected in July 2007, and finally got a court date in July 2008? Then, while I was in Ukraine, Bill got a notice from TX that he had to report to court the last week of March to explain why he was not paying his past due child support!!! We showed up at court that morning ready to rumble. His lawyer got us in to see a clerk pretty quickly, explained the situation and showed her all of our proof that the debt was paid in full. She called NY to verify, and wrote up the TX notice that reflected payment in full. While in there, Bill asked if he could get back the IRS tax return money from 2008 that was erroneously withheld (we filed taxes in October just so this would not happen). The clerk didn't promise t hat she would be successful, she just said she'd see what she could do. Imagine our surprise when a check arrived in the mail today. It will cover almost half the cost of the wall removal. Yippeee!
Now, if I could just get Y to speak to me in English.
Natalie
TX
Friday, June 12, 2009
A Distressing Thought
I visited the ATM machine yesterday on my way home from work and took out $200. When I got home, I gave $120 to Bill for his pool league, and kept $80 for myself. Y was in the kitchen as well and commented on my "big money!" I told him, yes it was big money. He then asked me for $20. I told him no, I needed the money for something else (a little thing called food for this weekend). He then continued to tell me that he was "The Baron" (apparently a baron is above a boss in Ukraine), and that I should give him the money. I told him no, again.
After dinner on Thursdays, Y has his cheerleading class from 6p-8:30p. I told him that this week I would drop him off and pick him up after class was over (instead of staying to watch the class). I was just too exhausted and needed a night to myself after taking him to meet the family last week. I did open my wallet in the car to give him $3 so that he could buy a soda/water or a candy bar at the gym. He again asked for more money. I again said no. Y had no pocket to put the money in, so he told me to keep it and he would get it back when he came home. I playfully told him, maybe not. Ha, ha. So, I went home, walked the dogs, watched some TV and then headed back over to the gym to pick up Y. I gave him back the $3 and he bought candy and chips from the machine. He wanted to spend the third dollar on a soda, but we only live 5 minutes away, it was after 8:30pm and I had to get up at 5:15am for work. I told him there was soda at home.
I left my purse on the kitchen counter, as always. A few minutes later, I noticed Y go into the kitchen and not turn on the lights. I didn't think anything of it at the time, because he went right back into his TV room. Five minutes later, he went upstairs to his room to play on his computer. I went to bed moments after that.
This morning, when I got to work, I went to transfer my cash from my wallet to my ID badge and noticed that there was $40 missing. I immediately called Bill, woke him up, and asked if he had taken more money out of my wallet. He replied, "You just gave me cash, why would I take more?" That only leaves one person in the house: Y.
It makes me sad to think that he would steal from me. On my second break, I called our therapist, left a message, and she called right back. She told me to sit down with Y when I get home (have Bill nearby for support), tell him that he is not to say anything until he is willing to tell me the truth.
Well, I just got home an hour ago and it's like a bomb went off. I asked Y if he remembered asking for money yesterday and he said no. Then I told him that there was money missing from my wallet, he said something in Russian that I didn't understand. I got the online translator up and he asked me to read it so I could practice my Russian. I did my best, but his face fell when he understood what I was trying to say.
He says he did not touch my money He kept insisting that, whether I told him in Russian or in English. I told him the computer would be taken away for one week, and he could then get it back if he admits what he did. I didn't even get into the giving the money back part. I have to say that he was quite convincing with his crying and his speech. I actually wondered for a moment if he has a personality disorder, whereby he cannot remember what he did. I don't know.
He then asked to speak to his friend M here in TX, and had M translate for me that he didn't touch my money. I don't know what to say, but the money is still gone. They're still on the phone right now.
I told Y that I didn't want to believe that he took it, but I could see no other option. I even re-checked my purse, but the $40 is still gone.
I'm at a total loss here.
Natalie
TX
After dinner on Thursdays, Y has his cheerleading class from 6p-8:30p. I told him that this week I would drop him off and pick him up after class was over (instead of staying to watch the class). I was just too exhausted and needed a night to myself after taking him to meet the family last week. I did open my wallet in the car to give him $3 so that he could buy a soda/water or a candy bar at the gym. He again asked for more money. I again said no. Y had no pocket to put the money in, so he told me to keep it and he would get it back when he came home. I playfully told him, maybe not. Ha, ha. So, I went home, walked the dogs, watched some TV and then headed back over to the gym to pick up Y. I gave him back the $3 and he bought candy and chips from the machine. He wanted to spend the third dollar on a soda, but we only live 5 minutes away, it was after 8:30pm and I had to get up at 5:15am for work. I told him there was soda at home.
I left my purse on the kitchen counter, as always. A few minutes later, I noticed Y go into the kitchen and not turn on the lights. I didn't think anything of it at the time, because he went right back into his TV room. Five minutes later, he went upstairs to his room to play on his computer. I went to bed moments after that.
This morning, when I got to work, I went to transfer my cash from my wallet to my ID badge and noticed that there was $40 missing. I immediately called Bill, woke him up, and asked if he had taken more money out of my wallet. He replied, "You just gave me cash, why would I take more?" That only leaves one person in the house: Y.
It makes me sad to think that he would steal from me. On my second break, I called our therapist, left a message, and she called right back. She told me to sit down with Y when I get home (have Bill nearby for support), tell him that he is not to say anything until he is willing to tell me the truth.
Well, I just got home an hour ago and it's like a bomb went off. I asked Y if he remembered asking for money yesterday and he said no. Then I told him that there was money missing from my wallet, he said something in Russian that I didn't understand. I got the online translator up and he asked me to read it so I could practice my Russian. I did my best, but his face fell when he understood what I was trying to say.
He says he did not touch my money He kept insisting that, whether I told him in Russian or in English. I told him the computer would be taken away for one week, and he could then get it back if he admits what he did. I didn't even get into the giving the money back part. I have to say that he was quite convincing with his crying and his speech. I actually wondered for a moment if he has a personality disorder, whereby he cannot remember what he did. I don't know.
He then asked to speak to his friend M here in TX, and had M translate for me that he didn't touch my money. I don't know what to say, but the money is still gone. They're still on the phone right now.
I told Y that I didn't want to believe that he took it, but I could see no other option. I even re-checked my purse, but the $40 is still gone.
I'm at a total loss here.
Natalie
TX
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
All's Well That Ends Well
About 90 minutes after dinner Y decided to grace us with his presence again. He went into his TV room to watch the boob tube, but at least he was on the same floor as the two of us. Bill and I were cleaning out/rearranging the pantry in anticipation of a trip to Kroger. My list was long, so I asked Y if he wanted to go to Kroger with me.
Ahhh, the magic word: Kroger.
The ultimate store. You can get anything there, just ask Y. When he first came back to the USA, he thought you could buy Sony Playstation portables at Kroger. Alas, he was quite upset when he found out they only sell food and some other small sundries. But, he does love Kroger. They sell candy there, you know. He even gets to buy some of it every once in a while.
His response to my question, "Yesss!" while jumping up and down. His jumps got a little lower when I told him he could only buy one bag of candy.
"No, Mama! Five!"
"No, one - because I'm the mama."
"I eat quick!"
"Yes, and candy is expensive. That's why you only get one bag."
"Maybe, Mama."
We even had a good conversation (in English) while we drove to the store. He wanted to know why I didn't like his bio father. I told him that I did not like what his bio father says to him every time he calls. "What he say, Mama?" I told him I didn't like that his bio father tells him not to speak English. He said his bio father never says that. So, I asked him why he refuses to speak English after he speaks to his bio father. "I don't know." I also told him that I do not like that his bio father asks him to send money and shoes. He told me it is very bad in Ukraine right now. His father cannot buy shoes for himself. I told him I was sorry his bio father cannot buy his own shoes, but that does not mean that we have to buy shoes for him. Y then asked when he could call his bio father again. I told him maybe in two weeks. Y said that his bio father's birthday is in two weeks. I told him it would be okay to call his bio father to say "Happy Birthday." We even bought him a birthday card that says, "Guess what I got you for your birthday? Nothing!" I thought it was quite appropriate. It has a funny picture of an orangutan sticking out it's tongue. I told Y he could write a letter telling his bio father what the card says and that he could include a few pictures inside the card. He was very happy about that.
Later he asked me upstairs to help him install a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game on his computer. Miko and Goofy, our labs, were outside enjoying keeping the deer out of the back yard. Squirt, our pit bull, made himself comfy up on Y's bed, while Tigger, our fat cat, just had to see the view out of all four of Y's windows. When I noticed that Squirt was on Y's bed, I pointed the fact out to him.
I said (in Russian), "Squirt loves me."
Y - "Nyet."
Me - "Yes, he loves me."
Y - "Not today."
M - "Just a little bit?"
Y - "Nyet."
M - "Maybe tomorrow he loves me a little bit?"
Y - "Nyet. No tomorrow."
M - "Maybe the day after tomorrow?"
Y - "No."
Short pause.
M - "I love you."
Y - "I no love you."
M - "Maybe tomorrow? Little bit?"
Y - "No tomorrow."
M - "Maybe the day after tomorrow?"
Pause.
Y - "Maybe. Little bit."
VICTORY!!!!
Natalie
TX
PS - While working on Y's computer I noticed that he had only one photograph displayed on his desktop (under his user name and our user name). I don't know how he found it, but he had copied the photo from this blog that is displayed in my user profile. The one with Mama, Y and the Judge taken right after our court date.
Double Victory!
Ahhh, the magic word: Kroger.
The ultimate store. You can get anything there, just ask Y. When he first came back to the USA, he thought you could buy Sony Playstation portables at Kroger. Alas, he was quite upset when he found out they only sell food and some other small sundries. But, he does love Kroger. They sell candy there, you know. He even gets to buy some of it every once in a while.
His response to my question, "Yesss!" while jumping up and down. His jumps got a little lower when I told him he could only buy one bag of candy.
"No, Mama! Five!"
"No, one - because I'm the mama."
"I eat quick!"
"Yes, and candy is expensive. That's why you only get one bag."
"Maybe, Mama."
We even had a good conversation (in English) while we drove to the store. He wanted to know why I didn't like his bio father. I told him that I did not like what his bio father says to him every time he calls. "What he say, Mama?" I told him I didn't like that his bio father tells him not to speak English. He said his bio father never says that. So, I asked him why he refuses to speak English after he speaks to his bio father. "I don't know." I also told him that I do not like that his bio father asks him to send money and shoes. He told me it is very bad in Ukraine right now. His father cannot buy shoes for himself. I told him I was sorry his bio father cannot buy his own shoes, but that does not mean that we have to buy shoes for him. Y then asked when he could call his bio father again. I told him maybe in two weeks. Y said that his bio father's birthday is in two weeks. I told him it would be okay to call his bio father to say "Happy Birthday." We even bought him a birthday card that says, "Guess what I got you for your birthday? Nothing!" I thought it was quite appropriate. It has a funny picture of an orangutan sticking out it's tongue. I told Y he could write a letter telling his bio father what the card says and that he could include a few pictures inside the card. He was very happy about that.
Later he asked me upstairs to help him install a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game on his computer. Miko and Goofy, our labs, were outside enjoying keeping the deer out of the back yard. Squirt, our pit bull, made himself comfy up on Y's bed, while Tigger, our fat cat, just had to see the view out of all four of Y's windows. When I noticed that Squirt was on Y's bed, I pointed the fact out to him.
I said (in Russian), "Squirt loves me."
Y - "Nyet."
Me - "Yes, he loves me."
Y - "Not today."
M - "Just a little bit?"
Y - "Nyet."
M - "Maybe tomorrow he loves me a little bit?"
Y - "Nyet. No tomorrow."
M - "Maybe the day after tomorrow?"
Y - "No."
Short pause.
M - "I love you."
Y - "I no love you."
M - "Maybe tomorrow? Little bit?"
Y - "No tomorrow."
M - "Maybe the day after tomorrow?"
Pause.
Y - "Maybe. Little bit."
VICTORY!!!!
Natalie
TX
PS - While working on Y's computer I noticed that he had only one photograph displayed on his desktop (under his user name and our user name). I don't know how he found it, but he had copied the photo from this blog that is displayed in my user profile. The one with Mama, Y and the Judge taken right after our court date.
Double Victory!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Refusal to Speak English
Y has been in a tizzy since calling his bio father on Saturday. He had a conniption fit last night when Bill told him to go to bed because he had ESL school this morning. He only has another 23 two hour days (spaced over two months), but he is very annoyed to go to school in the summer. We tried explaining that we don't think he's stupid, we're just trying to help him. But, he doesn't want to hear it.
He asked me the other day if he could have his own email account. I said, okay, since I've already created one on kidmail.net. However, I'm having trouble getting the thing to work. It does not work with a MacBook, so I need some time on Y's computer to set up MS Outlook, or maybe I can do it from work, I don't know. This afternoon he asked about it again, so I decided to set up a gmail account for him using a password that I already knew. He was very annoyed that I would know his password. So annoyed that he told me that he wants to email his bio father in Ukraine. That is why he wants an email address so badly.
Well, that put the kibosh on it immediately. I deleted the account, and told him why I was doing so. I'm sure he thinks it's just something else I said I would do and am now backing down on. I told him that he would not be able to email his bio father. He can write him a letter, and we'll send it in the mail. We do not want unsupervised access to his bio father at this time. Read the post below for more information. As soon as I can get the kidmail.net account to work, he can email to his heart's content. We can block him from receiving emails from anyone we do not wish him to email.
Luckily when Bill set up his computer he put parental controls on it that allow him to access everything Y has done on the computer. Hopefully he won't try to set up his own email account somewhere that we don't know about. Bill said he will check it later on today or tomorrow when Y goes to acrobatics.
So, today Y has elected to not speak any English, to either of us. He does not want to participate in being a family member today. I told him I will no longer respond to anything he says in Russian. He was saying simple things that I know he knows in Russian, such as, "I want," and "I don't understand." If he wants to regress back to that, we'll regress back to not acknowledging any Russian.
He will now have to earn the privilege to call anyone in Ukraine, including his friends. Bill says he wants to start paying him an allowance ($5/wk) plus extra for certain chores (ie - $1/wk for vacuuming the 2nd floor and cleaning his room, $1/wk for taking the trash out when the bag is full, $1k/wk for taking the trash cans to the street and returning them to their spot each week, $1/wk for emptying the dishwasher, $5/wk for washing each car, and more for other chores to be decided on in advance). Two things that do not qualify for cashola: laundry and dog walking. They have their own inherent benefits: clean clothes and sloppy wet kisses.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Update - Y came down right away for dinner when Bill called him. He is still subdued, but at least he thanked Papa for dinner in English. I'll take the little victories where I can get them.
Natalie
TX
He asked me the other day if he could have his own email account. I said, okay, since I've already created one on kidmail.net. However, I'm having trouble getting the thing to work. It does not work with a MacBook, so I need some time on Y's computer to set up MS Outlook, or maybe I can do it from work, I don't know. This afternoon he asked about it again, so I decided to set up a gmail account for him using a password that I already knew. He was very annoyed that I would know his password. So annoyed that he told me that he wants to email his bio father in Ukraine. That is why he wants an email address so badly.
Well, that put the kibosh on it immediately. I deleted the account, and told him why I was doing so. I'm sure he thinks it's just something else I said I would do and am now backing down on. I told him that he would not be able to email his bio father. He can write him a letter, and we'll send it in the mail. We do not want unsupervised access to his bio father at this time. Read the post below for more information. As soon as I can get the kidmail.net account to work, he can email to his heart's content. We can block him from receiving emails from anyone we do not wish him to email.
Luckily when Bill set up his computer he put parental controls on it that allow him to access everything Y has done on the computer. Hopefully he won't try to set up his own email account somewhere that we don't know about. Bill said he will check it later on today or tomorrow when Y goes to acrobatics.
So, today Y has elected to not speak any English, to either of us. He does not want to participate in being a family member today. I told him I will no longer respond to anything he says in Russian. He was saying simple things that I know he knows in Russian, such as, "I want," and "I don't understand." If he wants to regress back to that, we'll regress back to not acknowledging any Russian.
He will now have to earn the privilege to call anyone in Ukraine, including his friends. Bill says he wants to start paying him an allowance ($5/wk) plus extra for certain chores (ie - $1/wk for vacuuming the 2nd floor and cleaning his room, $1/wk for taking the trash out when the bag is full, $1k/wk for taking the trash cans to the street and returning them to their spot each week, $1/wk for emptying the dishwasher, $5/wk for washing each car, and more for other chores to be decided on in advance). Two things that do not qualify for cashola: laundry and dog walking. They have their own inherent benefits: clean clothes and sloppy wet kisses.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Update - Y came down right away for dinner when Bill called him. He is still subdued, but at least he thanked Papa for dinner in English. I'll take the little victories where I can get them.
Natalie
TX
Monday, June 8, 2009
Calling Ukraine
Y woke me up about 9:30 on Saturday to ask if he could call his friends in Ukraine on my Skype account. I fired up the computer, and let him call. While I was getting ready, my mother came upstairs and asked if Y was talking to his father in Ukraine. I told her, no, he was supposed to be talking to friends at the internat. She said he was talking to a man, so I went downstairs to see if it was the director of the internat's husband.
Nope. It was his birth father.
We told Y we would allow him to have contact with his birth father. He called him one time before when he was really upset about something, and his birth father basically told him he didn't have to listen to us, he could do whatever he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. After that, we made sure to check that he was not calling him when he called overseas.
Well, apparently Y called his friends and they told him that his birth father was crying because Y did not contact him anymore. (I'm thinking of throwing the b.s. flag on that one). As we understand it, his father never contacted him at the internat. Y occasionally (like three or four times a year) called his birth father. Now the guy is all concerned? Not once did he attempt to visit or get his rights back.
I told Y that he had five minutes to complete his call (even I'm not callous enough to make him hang up immediately), because we were going to the zoo. Y told his father he had to go soon because Mama said so, and what does his father do? he asks Y to send him money. Y told him he didn't have any money to send him, so his father asked him to send him some sneakers. They're not expensive, he said. Y immediately asked if we could send his birth father sneakers. I, of course, said, "No." I could see where this was leading even if Y could not. He told his father, no, Mama says she doesn't have any money. It did not seem as if his father believed him. Then they said goodbye and hung up.
Y then pestered me for quite a few minutes. Why couldn't I send him sneakers, they're cheap! I tried to explain even the cheapest pair of sneakers would cost $100 to send to Ukraine, but Y couldn't comprehend that. I waited until we got back to TX to tell Y that we were never going to send any money to his birth father. Nor were we going to send any gifts. He got very angry with me. He said that I told him in Ukraine that I would 'help' his father. I told him I never said any such thing. In fact, I reminded him, that Ig, S, N, the social worker and I all explained to Y before court that we (Bill and I) would never send his birth father any money, nor any gifts. If he, Y, wanted to help his father after he became an adult and got a job, then he could do so, but he was never to expect us to 'help.' Y, of course, remembers this completely the opposite.
I know he has this romantic ideal of his birth father, but as far as I'm concerned he's acted more like a sperm donor than a father. I was told that he was incarcerated at one point while Y was in the internat, so I understand that he was physically prevented from visiting; but, he was not incarcerated for 6+ years.
Hopefully, with time, Y will see this ploy for money and gifts as what it is: his birth father is using him. Plain and simple. He tells him not to listen to us, not to speak English, and to do whatever he pleases - just send me money and gifts!
Needless to say, I told Y today that he would no longer be allowed to call his birth father. He may write him a letter and send him a picture, but that is all. We are not even willing to give him our home address, we will use our post office box.
Y was not pleased, so I am back to being "Natasha," and not Mama anymore. We'll see how long it lasts this time. Last time I was only "Natasha" for a day and a half.
Well, on another note, we did go to the zoo. Y was a pill the entire time (as he usually is after he speaks with his birth father), until we got to the reptile exhibit. It seems snakes and spiders bring out the fun in all boys.
After three hours walking around the zoo, we zipped back home and Y was cold again. I hope he's not coming down with what I have. He really didn't want to stay there any longer. He was ready to come home Saturday night, but our tickets weren't until Sunday at 5pm. He didn't even want to play video games with Pat at first, but that didn't last long. Y even sat through the entire Penguins game, even though he doesn't like hockey. Unfortunately the Pens blew it big time. Better luck tomorrow night, I hope.
Sunday was uneventful, except for the fact that Y refused to shower or change clothes. He also refused to visit my friend Lisa with me. I don't know if he wanted some one-on-one time with Babushka, or if he was just all tired out and couldn't meet even one new person. So, I went alone and stayed for about an hour before having to head back to my mom's and then to the airport. Y was a pill on the plane, too, because I wouldn't pony up any cash for him to connect to the internet. Poor child. How will he survive!
He didn't perk up at all until we got home and he saw Papa and Goofy, and Miko, and Squirt, and Tigger and Daisy. He also could barely wait five minutes until Bill put in the password so he could play Counter Strike for 90 minutes before going to bed. I told him when he started that he had to go to bed by midnight, and he said okay. When Bill went up and told him to turn the computer off, he told Bill, "I'm 14 and I can go to bed whenever I want." Bill, of course, informed him that he would be turning the computer off now, or else Bill would disconnect it and take it with him. Y chose to turn the computer off and was heard asleep within fifteen minutes. Funny, because he kept saying he wasn't tired.
He was up at 7:30 this morning, bugging me to turn the game back on. Not likely. He seemed to think he was going to play that video game all day. He didn't even want to take the dogs for a walk at 10:30 until Bill told him it was one of his chores and he had to do it. He's been contrary with me all day. We'll see if that gets any better tomorrow morning when he has to get up and be at school at 8am for 4 hours of reading lessons. Not really looking forward to that battle, but I'm sure we'll win it.
Gotta go home now.
Natalie
TX
Nope. It was his birth father.
We told Y we would allow him to have contact with his birth father. He called him one time before when he was really upset about something, and his birth father basically told him he didn't have to listen to us, he could do whatever he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. After that, we made sure to check that he was not calling him when he called overseas.
Well, apparently Y called his friends and they told him that his birth father was crying because Y did not contact him anymore. (I'm thinking of throwing the b.s. flag on that one). As we understand it, his father never contacted him at the internat. Y occasionally (like three or four times a year) called his birth father. Now the guy is all concerned? Not once did he attempt to visit or get his rights back.
I told Y that he had five minutes to complete his call (even I'm not callous enough to make him hang up immediately), because we were going to the zoo. Y told his father he had to go soon because Mama said so, and what does his father do? he asks Y to send him money. Y told him he didn't have any money to send him, so his father asked him to send him some sneakers. They're not expensive, he said. Y immediately asked if we could send his birth father sneakers. I, of course, said, "No." I could see where this was leading even if Y could not. He told his father, no, Mama says she doesn't have any money. It did not seem as if his father believed him. Then they said goodbye and hung up.
Y then pestered me for quite a few minutes. Why couldn't I send him sneakers, they're cheap! I tried to explain even the cheapest pair of sneakers would cost $100 to send to Ukraine, but Y couldn't comprehend that. I waited until we got back to TX to tell Y that we were never going to send any money to his birth father. Nor were we going to send any gifts. He got very angry with me. He said that I told him in Ukraine that I would 'help' his father. I told him I never said any such thing. In fact, I reminded him, that Ig, S, N, the social worker and I all explained to Y before court that we (Bill and I) would never send his birth father any money, nor any gifts. If he, Y, wanted to help his father after he became an adult and got a job, then he could do so, but he was never to expect us to 'help.' Y, of course, remembers this completely the opposite.
I know he has this romantic ideal of his birth father, but as far as I'm concerned he's acted more like a sperm donor than a father. I was told that he was incarcerated at one point while Y was in the internat, so I understand that he was physically prevented from visiting; but, he was not incarcerated for 6+ years.
Hopefully, with time, Y will see this ploy for money and gifts as what it is: his birth father is using him. Plain and simple. He tells him not to listen to us, not to speak English, and to do whatever he pleases - just send me money and gifts!
Needless to say, I told Y today that he would no longer be allowed to call his birth father. He may write him a letter and send him a picture, but that is all. We are not even willing to give him our home address, we will use our post office box.
Y was not pleased, so I am back to being "Natasha," and not Mama anymore. We'll see how long it lasts this time. Last time I was only "Natasha" for a day and a half.
Well, on another note, we did go to the zoo. Y was a pill the entire time (as he usually is after he speaks with his birth father), until we got to the reptile exhibit. It seems snakes and spiders bring out the fun in all boys.
After three hours walking around the zoo, we zipped back home and Y was cold again. I hope he's not coming down with what I have. He really didn't want to stay there any longer. He was ready to come home Saturday night, but our tickets weren't until Sunday at 5pm. He didn't even want to play video games with Pat at first, but that didn't last long. Y even sat through the entire Penguins game, even though he doesn't like hockey. Unfortunately the Pens blew it big time. Better luck tomorrow night, I hope.
Sunday was uneventful, except for the fact that Y refused to shower or change clothes. He also refused to visit my friend Lisa with me. I don't know if he wanted some one-on-one time with Babushka, or if he was just all tired out and couldn't meet even one new person. So, I went alone and stayed for about an hour before having to head back to my mom's and then to the airport. Y was a pill on the plane, too, because I wouldn't pony up any cash for him to connect to the internet. Poor child. How will he survive!
He didn't perk up at all until we got home and he saw Papa and Goofy, and Miko, and Squirt, and Tigger and Daisy. He also could barely wait five minutes until Bill put in the password so he could play Counter Strike for 90 minutes before going to bed. I told him when he started that he had to go to bed by midnight, and he said okay. When Bill went up and told him to turn the computer off, he told Bill, "I'm 14 and I can go to bed whenever I want." Bill, of course, informed him that he would be turning the computer off now, or else Bill would disconnect it and take it with him. Y chose to turn the computer off and was heard asleep within fifteen minutes. Funny, because he kept saying he wasn't tired.
He was up at 7:30 this morning, bugging me to turn the game back on. Not likely. He seemed to think he was going to play that video game all day. He didn't even want to take the dogs for a walk at 10:30 until Bill told him it was one of his chores and he had to do it. He's been contrary with me all day. We'll see if that gets any better tomorrow morning when he has to get up and be at school at 8am for 4 hours of reading lessons. Not really looking forward to that battle, but I'm sure we'll win it.
Gotta go home now.
Natalie
TX
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